and isn't it ironic...dontcha think?

no, no rain on my wedding day, although i do think that would be really cool. obviously not if i was actually getting married outside, but if i was getting married inside everyone could see out the windows that there was a thunder storm going on....totally cool. i love rain and i love thunderstorms. there must be some special zchus in being able to say brachos on natural wonders at a wedding. seems really cool. so. anyway. as i was saying....what was i saying? oh yes. its ironic. like the song. sort of.

i cant believe that i finally caved and told someone about something i have been keeping to myself to seven years, seven years is a long time mind you, i finally gave in and told someone, his sister no less, and that night, wonder of wonder and miracle of miracles, i get a shidduch call. what kind of twisted world is this? im quite positive this is a test though im not quite sure yet what it is. ill have to get back to you all on that one, but im sure its a test for something. and the ironies in my life baffle me. astound me. they make me scratch my head and say, "well...wait, what? huh? hey you! get back here and explain!" but does G-d ever listen to me? sadly no, He does not, and an instruction book rarely comes with the new situation so i am left to fend for myself. bearing that in mind i say to you all, have a good shabbos, and remember,

"its like rain on your wedding day, its a free ride when you've already payed, its the good advice that you just didnt take, and who would've thought...its figures."

but as a p.s. here folks, the songs of the day are "the unforgiven II" and "turn the page" by metallica. "turn the page" actually isnt by them its a cover they did but there cover is better then the original. figures. good stuff. awesome. just drink it all in and everything will be right in the world.

breathe in...and out...

well i think the initial freak out session has ended. i have moved onto the "OH MY GOSH i cant believe i actually just did that" part of the program. actually that one is fading too. im moving slowly in the direction of damage control. send in the Men In Black and have them hose the place down, kind of thing. i have moved on to the "oops, i just messed everything up and now everything is going to be different and its all my fault." its a very comforting feeling. i like being able to take full responsibility for a situation. no questions who to blame, no one has to look at anyone else and say "was that you? or you? or was that me?" nope no i can freely come out and say, "this is my fault guys! hey everybody look over here at the girl who messed it all up!". ill be here all week to sign any piece of paper, article of clothing, or body part you guys would like to offer up for an autograph. it will be priceless one day everybody so get 'em while they're fresh. do you think i have worked enough self pity into all this? alright well self pity is a bad face to wear so lets more onto another one.

i hate this class. i know you all know this but i would just state for the record that i really hate this class. i think i have been out of there for almost a half an hour now. i feel slightly guilty whenever i leave. but the ironic thing is, get this everyone, that not only did i walk out of class because im bored, but im out here in the computer room working on HIS PAPER! how sad is that? his paper is more interesting then his class is. very sad. im depressed. oh well i better go find some chocolate. ready or not here i come!

if i only had a brain....

ladies and gentleman at the ripe old of age of 19 years old i have lost my mind. all of a sudden it went *woosh* out the window while i wasnt even looking. i tried to catch it. i really did. i ran after it and just as i got a hold on it it went slippery slop and it went right our of my hands and out the window. i tried to run after it down the street but by the time i got out there i couldnt tell the difference between my brain and old joe's brain hanging out in the street. it was a lost cause. now i will endeavor to tell you the instance in which i lost my brain. lets see how can i put this without sounding to teenybopperish and highschoolish. i dont want it to sound like that.

there is this guy ("i knew it," all my readers out there whispered. "i knew a guy would work into this story somehow." well it is a guy but bare with me for the moment ok people?). so there is this guy, that ive known forever. well not forever but for about six or seven years. i kinda grew up with him. our families our close and we all have a great relationship with each other. so what made me now, after seven years, admit that i liked him? and that i would go out with him? i dont have that many rules in my life. i really dont. i have a few basic ones though. always try to be on good terms with my family, and it usually works pretty well. baruch hashem i have an awesome relationship with my family and my sister is my best friend. i dont hang out with guys generally unless they are the ones that live on my block and then i consider kinda part of the general mishpacha. one of my few steady rules is, dont mess up the relationship with the neighbors. why? because i love my neighbors. i love that we walk into each others houses without knocking and that i call their parents mom and dad and all that. i like all that. i dont want that to change. and i dont under any circumstances, talk about that i like my neighbor. when the topic of marrige comes up (and believe me, with his dad it comes up quite often and he reeeeeally wants me to go out with his son) i change the subject, or evade, or say absolutely not. because hes my buddy. i like hanging out with him. we laugh together, we drive each other crazy, we like alot of the same music, we can bash movies and books together. its fun. i like having him as a buddy. i dont want to ruin that. and i admit that i like him even to myself, then all that changes. and what if it didnt work out? i wouldnt have him as a buddy anymore. i would still be friends with everyone else because they would understand if it didnt work out (hopefully) because they are very understanding people. they wouldnt do the whole "you broke my sons heart" bit but it could be a little uncomfortable. id hate that.

so now i broke my rule, a rule i have had since we moved next door to them, and freely admitted, to his sister no less, that i do like him. i think finals are breaking my mind. i think i better bump up the appointment of my monthly CAT scan. im off to search the streets for my brain, maybe ill find it shivering on a doorstep somewhere. there is always the possibility i can lure it back with the temptations of chocolate and coffee. ciao.

Final Week Part 1

welcome all my dear friends to my favorite time of year. everybody is busy and running about and buying things and its all busy busy busy. no its not the holiday season. sorry to disappoint you. its FINALS season! love it! live it! breathe it all in! the time of craziness has set in. from now until next thursday we are in finals and things are due and i havent started! i love it.
writers block. thats what i have. i can spend all class writing stories, endless amounts of stories and poems and who knows what else, but when comes down to writing something to actually be handed in, im at a loss. how sad is that? very very sad.
my life, as we all know and love it, is ending. let me tell you why. because i just got my final assignment for practical crit class and im going to fail. 15 pages minimum of criticism on a book of my choice. HA! that career i was hoping to someday build, the ideas, hopes and dreams, that were brewing somewhere in the back of my mind are gone. i hate this paper. i loved the class. i like in a conference room with a bunch of girls who are english majors. we sit there together with out stacks of books, and we talk about literature, authors, movies, and funny TV shows. we bash tom cruise and katie holmes and we talk about who we like better, heath ledger or johnny depp. its fun. i love it. but when it comes down to doing the actual criticism of a book we've read, its a total flop. i have no idea what i am doing and everything i say comes out as either gibberish or it sounds ridiculous.

on the up side i finally finished my short story for mrs. rubinoff's class. i have never had a teacher who graded as harshly as she does. she is so anal in her grading, its terrifying. i kept reworking story, over and over again. i think im gonna drive myself to drink, which would be cool if i had anything to drink besides water and soda. i sat there for like four hours staring at a computer screen hoping i would get a stroke of brilliance, feeling extremely stupid. this is why i want to be an english major. not because i like to read classics, or because i enjoy writing research papers. im doing this because i like the creative writing process. i love writing short stories, and essays, and poems, and prose. thats fun for me. so there i sat unable to do the one thing i do happen to be good at. i felt very stupid. did i mention i was also sick that day? fortunately the next day jenny rescued me from the dorm for several hours. i got away from the craziness and the drama, we went to the mall, i bought something pink, i got greek salad, and we watched about three hours of figure skating on TV. i went home and finished writing my story in about an hour. i am much accomplished.

maybe not. none pages completed of this paper, fifteen left to go.............