and the world keeps on turning...

my most recent discovery is that if you get no sleep at all, staying awake is considerable harder. i know this doesn't really seem like brilliance to any of you with normal sleep patterns, but to us young deluded ones, this is still somewhat of an enlightenment. you would think after my first year with jenny when we stayed up every night until four that i would have learned my lesson. however, in the wee hours of monday morning all semblance of normal human logic fled my roommate and i and we found ourselves watching the sun come up. somewhere around 7:30am my roommate remembered that she had a midterm to study for. around 8 i decided that it was a good time as any to take a quick nap before class that afternoon. unfortunately for me (or my teacher depending how you look at it) he had decided to bring in a movie that day to show us something about the acting of shakespeare. i was asleep in minutes. it was quite educational i must confess.

i have come to the conclusion that i will be in college for the rest of my life, or for the next ten years, which ever one comes first. the other realization that i have come to day is that shirley jackson is an extremely disturbing author. we just read a story of hers today in class, and its all about the town that they have a town lottery once a year and one person is picked and then they stone them to death!!! are you disturbed? im disturbed.

i have decided that break dancing is the most attractive thing ever. guys look very good when they are break dancing. the guy i marry must know how to break dance. or be willing to learn how. i need lots and lots of break dancing.

so now my friends, romans, and countrymen, i must bid a sad farewell, for the great and powerful shower beckons me and i am helpless to resist. ciao.

Grown-ups never understand anything for themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them.

long title. i like long titles. because when there are long titles then you dont have to write as much later...right? ok well maybe not but its a good theory. that quote is by that french dude that wrote "the little prince". good book by the way, one everybody should read. its short and easy and its very meaningful but its still alot of fun. antoine de saint-exupery, thats the dude's name. say that three times fast. see the thing is, im not one of those people who think that parents dont understand anything. i actually think they understand quite well. although when i was in high school i was convinced that my parents didnt understand me, when in fact they got it all. but i do think that some adults choose to have selective memory and forget what it was like to be a teenager and whatnot. see, while i am past the time in my life when i have the constant belief that adults had no idea what was going on in my brain, i do think that it is easy to forget what it was like. im forgetting already. i dont mind forgetting because i dont think i would ever choose to be a teenager, i would never go back and do it again, but i dont want to forget the emotional roller coaster, or the skewey logic i had that helped me arrive at my equally skewey decisions. i dont want to forget any of that so when i have daughter or a son or both (im yirtzeh hashem) i want to be close to them, i want them to think of me as their friend, and i want them to come tell me about the guy, or the girl, or whatever it is that is on the crazy minds of my teenage kids. i want to be able to remember how my brain worked at the time, to be able to think like them for a few minutes and be excited with them or scared with them, and not just be the scary mom who wont let her kids stay out past ten because if they do they might go off the derech. ill probably freak the first time my daughter has a crush, or if she wants to date someone in highschool like i did. ill probably freak and feel exactly like my parents and say absolutely not, but i also dont want them to be me, and sneak behind my back, the thing from my highschool days that still tortures me to this day, the sneaking and the lying to the parents who had brought me up so well, who i respect in every way, who i hope to be like and hope to have a marriage just like their's because it is everything i think a good marriage should be. i want all that, so i am going to try and keep the part of brain that will have to deal my teenage children as young as possible, so as not to forget what it was like to be a teenager, so my children will not have to spend many tiresome hours trying to remind me once again what its like to have a crush on the boy across the street, what it was like to be a teenager, what it was like to be young. i want to remember all that for myself, so i can sit up at night with my daughter while we hide under blankets on the couch, eating popcorn and hershey kisses while we whisper secrets to each other far into the night.