if i only had a brain....

ladies and gentleman at the ripe old of age of 19 years old i have lost my mind. all of a sudden it went *woosh* out the window while i wasnt even looking. i tried to catch it. i really did. i ran after it and just as i got a hold on it it went slippery slop and it went right our of my hands and out the window. i tried to run after it down the street but by the time i got out there i couldnt tell the difference between my brain and old joe's brain hanging out in the street. it was a lost cause. now i will endeavor to tell you the instance in which i lost my brain. lets see how can i put this without sounding to teenybopperish and highschoolish. i dont want it to sound like that.

there is this guy ("i knew it," all my readers out there whispered. "i knew a guy would work into this story somehow." well it is a guy but bare with me for the moment ok people?). so there is this guy, that ive known forever. well not forever but for about six or seven years. i kinda grew up with him. our families our close and we all have a great relationship with each other. so what made me now, after seven years, admit that i liked him? and that i would go out with him? i dont have that many rules in my life. i really dont. i have a few basic ones though. always try to be on good terms with my family, and it usually works pretty well. baruch hashem i have an awesome relationship with my family and my sister is my best friend. i dont hang out with guys generally unless they are the ones that live on my block and then i consider kinda part of the general mishpacha. one of my few steady rules is, dont mess up the relationship with the neighbors. why? because i love my neighbors. i love that we walk into each others houses without knocking and that i call their parents mom and dad and all that. i like all that. i dont want that to change. and i dont under any circumstances, talk about that i like my neighbor. when the topic of marrige comes up (and believe me, with his dad it comes up quite often and he reeeeeally wants me to go out with his son) i change the subject, or evade, or say absolutely not. because hes my buddy. i like hanging out with him. we laugh together, we drive each other crazy, we like alot of the same music, we can bash movies and books together. its fun. i like having him as a buddy. i dont want to ruin that. and i admit that i like him even to myself, then all that changes. and what if it didnt work out? i wouldnt have him as a buddy anymore. i would still be friends with everyone else because they would understand if it didnt work out (hopefully) because they are very understanding people. they wouldnt do the whole "you broke my sons heart" bit but it could be a little uncomfortable. id hate that.

so now i broke my rule, a rule i have had since we moved next door to them, and freely admitted, to his sister no less, that i do like him. i think finals are breaking my mind. i think i better bump up the appointment of my monthly CAT scan. im off to search the streets for my brain, maybe ill find it shivering on a doorstep somewhere. there is always the possibility i can lure it back with the temptations of chocolate and coffee. ciao.